Stress touches all of our lives—sometimes in small, fleeting ways, and sometimes in ways that feel overwhelming. But what if stress didn’t have to control your days or drain your energy? By understanding how stress works and learning simple, practical tools, you can start to take back control and build lasting resilience.
Quick Summary: How to Strengthen Your Resilience to Stress
Feeling overwhelmed by stress? You’re not alone—and the good news is, you’re not powerless either.
Here’s a quick overview of what you’ll find in this guide:
- Stress is your body’s natural reaction to change.
It’s not good or bad until your mind gives it meaning. - You can influence how you experience stress.
The way you think about a situation can turn distress into positive, motivating energy. - There are practical steps you can take to build resilience.
From re-framing your thoughts, to prioritizing action, to strengthening your support network, to practicing everyday self-care.
Scroll down to discover 9 simple, practical strategies you can start using today.
Take Control of Stress in Your Life
Learn how to reduce negative stress and strengthen your resilience in 9 simple steps.
If you asked 100 people what causes them to feel stressed, you might get 100 different answers.
Getting the kids ready for school, giving a presentation at work, or trying to squeeze some quality “me-time” into a busy schedule are all examples of daily situations that can trigger stress. But interestingly, the same situations might leave one person feeling overwhelmed while another remains completely unfazed.
Whether or not a situation feels stressful often depends on two things: how you think about it, and how equipped you feel to handle it.
Psychologists refer to this ability to cope effectively as resilience. Resilience is your mind’s natural defence against the negative effects of stress—it includes helpful ways of thinking, as well as practical skills and strategies you can use when life gets tough. And the good news?
While some people seem naturally more resilient, resilience is not a fixed trait—you can learn it and strengthen it over time.
In this article, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of stress, learn how to turn negative stress into positive energy, and discover practical ways to build greater resilience.
So What Really Is “Stress”?
If the same situation can be stressful for one person but not for another, then what exactly is stress?
Imagine this: You’re driving to work when the car in front of you suddenly brakes for no apparent reason. You have to slam on your own brakes to avoid a collision. Once you come to a stop, you notice that your body feels different—you can feel your heart racing, your hands shaking, and a rush of adrenaline coursing through you.
On a physiological level, this is what stress is: it’s your body’s natural reaction to a sudden demand or change in your environment.
Interestingly, your body reacts in much the same way when you’re riding a roller coaster. Yet after riding a roller coaster, you probably don’t feel what we would label as “stressed”—instead, you feel excited and exhilarated.
The difference lies in how your brain interprets your body’s reaction.
After the near-accident, when you notice your fast heartbeat, shaky hands, and adrenaline rush, your thoughts might be something like:
“I almost had a car accident. That could have cost me a lot of money. I might have been late for work—or even injured. This could have been a disaster.”
These thoughts trigger feelings of stress.
On the other hand, after a roller coaster ride, the very same physical sensations are interpreted differently:
“That was thrilling! That was so much fun!”
Here, your mind labels the experience as exciting and positive.
In other words, stress starts as a neutral, physical reaction. It’s not positive or negative until your mind evaluates the situation and gives it meaning.
A situation becomes stressful because we think it is stressful.
The good news is: Often, we have the ability to guide how we think about a situation.
You Can Learn to Turn Bad Stress into Good Stress
Research shows that it’s possible to eliminate the negative effects of stress—such as increased risk of cardiovascular disease, depression, or anxiety—by changing how we think about stress.
Imagine you are about to give a speech in front of a large audience. You’ll likely notice the familiar symptoms we spoke about earlier: shaking hands, a racing heart, maybe even a surge of adrenaline rushing through your body. In this moment, you have two options:
Option 1 might sound like this:
“Oh no, I’m so nervous. Everyone will see my hands shaking. What if I stutter or trip over my words? What if I completely blank out on stage? This is a nightmare. I can’t handle this—this is way too much for me. This is so stressful.“
Sound familiar?
Option 2 offers a different perspective:
“I can feel my heart beating faster—that means my body is making sure there’s enough oxygen flowing to my muscles and my brain to help me perform well. This adrenaline rush is helping me focus and sharpen my concentration. My body is preparing me to succeed.”
While Option 1 is likely to lead to an experience of distress—a form of stress that negatively impacts your body and mind—Option 2 can lead to eustress: positive stress.
Eustress doesn’t harm your health; in fact, it enhances your ability to concentrate, focus, and stay motivated.
9 Practical Steps to Strengthen Your Resilience
Practical Strategies for Everyday Stress
Not every stressful situation can be reframed as positive.
Sometimes, stress is just hard. But even then, there are powerful tools you can use to protect your mental health and stay grounded.
Here are 9 practical steps you can start using today.
Imagine the Situation:
You’re stuck in a complete traffic standstill. All lanes are obstructed, time is ticking, you’re on your way to pick up the kids from school, and it’s clear you won’t be moving forward anytime soon.
(While we’re using traffic as an example, these steps can apply to any situation where you feel stuck, powerless, or overwhelmed.)
I remember a time when I was stuck for nearly an hour, feeling powerless and frustrated. It’s easy to get swept away by those thoughts and emotions—but it’s exactly when small strategies can make the biggest difference.
Please also note: the suggestions shared below are for reflection and inspiration. As with any situation, only do what is safe for yourself and those around you, and ensure your actions are within the laws and regulations that apply to your environment.
Step 1: Differentiate Between What You Can Control and What You Cannot
You cannot control the traffic.
You can control (or let’s say guide) your own thoughts and actions.
How you spend this time is within your control. You can choose to:
- Work yourself into greater frustration, or
- Take action (Step 2 and 4), strengthen connections (Step 5), practice self-care (Step 6), show kindness (Step 8), or nurture yourself (Step 9).
Step 2: Identify What You Can Do—and Take Action
Even small steps help. You might:
- Call the school to inform them of the delay.
- Call someone else who can help collect your children.
- Reflect on setting up a future backup plan with another parent.
Taking action helps shift you out of helplessness.
Step 3: Accept What You Cannot Change
You can’t move the traffic—and being upset won’t help. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the situation—it simply means letting go of the fight against reality.
(Once you’ve accepted what you can’t change, it’s easier to focus your energy where it can make a real difference.)
Step 4: If You Feel Overwhelmed, Prioritize
Label your tasks:
- a) Urgent and important
- b) Urgent but not important
- c) Important but not urgent
- d) Not important and not urgent
Focus first on what’s both urgent and important (e.g., informing the school), and deal with less urgent matters when you can.
Step 5: Strengthen Supportive Relationships
You don’t have to manage everything alone.
Use the time to:
- Reach out for help if needed, or
- Call a friend you’ve been meaning to connect with.
Social support is a powerful buffer against stress.
Step 6: Practise Good Self-Care
Ask yourself:
What’s one small thing I could do—right now—to feel even a little bit better?
Options might include:
- Playing your favourite song
- Scrolling through happy photos
- Practising deep breathing
- Finishing your forgotten lunch
Self-care might also mean recognizing when your schedule needs re-balancing long-term.
Step 7: Build on Your Existing Resources
Remember: You’ve managed stressful situations before. What helped you? What didn’t?
Reflecting on your own resilience builds confidence.
Step 8: Find Meaning and Purpose
You might use this time to:
- Order a gift you’ve been meaning to send.
- Help your partner by booking their overdue appointment.
And sometimes it does help to re frame the moment:
You could have been in the accident causing the jam. You could have no mobile reception. Or—worse—you could be stuck with an overtired, hungry, very vocal child! 😄
(A little humor often helps.)
Step 9: Practise Self-Soothing Techniques
Self-soothing helps restore emotional balance.
You might:
- Listen to calming music
- Practise progressive muscle relaxation
- Daydream about your next beach holiday
Even small acts of self-soothing can make a big difference.
Stress is part of being human.
But with the right tools, small shifts, and a little self-kindness, you can build resilience—and find your way back to feeling grounded, even when life feels messy.
Take the First Step Toward Greater Resilience
Stress is an inevitable part of life—but how you respond to it makes all the difference.
If you’d like support in building your resilience or navigating specific stressful situations, I’m here to help.
Book a free 15-minute consultation via the contact form or reach out via email at svenja@cornerstonecounselling.co.za.
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